I am so happy I know so many great moms! Our child or children will be perfect in every way so naturally we will be perfect parents! Obviously, we have been waiting this long because God is curving tempers, adding patience, ideal sleep patterns and good behavior to our child so our parenting will be a breeze!
Kidding! But at least you are in our lives to help us and that makes me happy!
Yesterday, at work, I said 'Happy Mother's Day' to a lot of ladies and will tomorrow at church as well. They said 'thank you' with a smile and then inevitably the awkward pause as they wonder whether to say it back because they are not sure if we have children or they catch the return greeting coming out of their mouths because they know we do not.
It's okay, I still say it because I am happy for them. The best thing to say back is 'thank you.'
Then it comes:
"Do you have any children?"
"No" (I used to say 'Not yet' but it opened a whole other conversation and advice I did not want to get into.)
"Do you have a pet?"
"Yes, we have a dog."
"Well then Happy Mother's Day because you have a dog." Ouch.
Yes, having Ben, by no exaggeration, has been a huge help in our natural desire to nurture something. However, he is not our child and does not qualify me to celebrate Mother's Day. I know people are trying to be nice and we are not offended. We smile and take it in stride because people are trying to be nice.
Let me put it this way, on national 'Pet Day' we do not go up to a mom and say 'Happy National Pet Day' because they have a son or daughter. On some levels it is degrading. Clearly, Ben is a dog not our son. We love him to pieces but saying that we are 'parents' is a stretch and pretending like we are for the holidays is embarrassing.
However, I will get a present and card from Ben tomorrow!
Mother's Day, as you can imagine can be a rough holiday, but believe it or not it is not any more than Father's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or especially, birthdays and anniversaries. These are big family-centered holidays and more importantly a big landmark.
Ever been driving for any amount of time and you know you're lost because you've come across the same landmark you've seen before? Frustrated because you have not made any progress since the last time you saw it.
Well holidays and birthdays, at least for us, can be very difficult because the year prior we were sure we would not have to go through the same holiday again without having children. We say to ourselves, "Next year, when we celebrate Mother's Day, we will have our own baby! How exciting it will be?" It helps get through some of the isolation we feel.
After this long, you may think "Why would you set yourself up for that and then it doesn't happen and its even more devastating?" Well, each year we think, "This (infertility) can't go on much longer, surely next year we will have a baby." Also why, each November, we opt for the highest insurance coverage at my work because it will cover delivery at 100%. Each year, we think, this is the year. Honestly, we should think that way! I will probably cry tomorrow at some point and that's okay. It's part of the grieving process and is healthy not to ignore the pain. Crying because this landmark looks the same as last year and to feel the loss. Then, I will get to the place of having hope again! Having hope and believing it will get better.
Psalm 27:13 AMP [What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!
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