Sometimes this journey is sad. Today is not a sad day. I heard my mom's voice in my head telling me, "We'll do whatever it takes." She used to tell me that all the time growing up. It applies to this.
After the shock of all the stuff that goes along with IVF, today I can say, "Whatever it takes."
I don't like that my doctor thinks I am at high risk for miscarriages.
Tonight, at worship practice, it felt like each song spoke to me. Probably because I am at a place where I am yearning for more of God. I need him close. Really close. My hunger for him naturally makes me more sensitive to his voice.
We sang, "I wanna be near. Near to your heart. Heaven is real. Death is a lie. The great I AM. The great I AM. The great I AM!"
I looked up in the stands, dead center, and it felt like God was right there. In his majesty. Nothing can stand against his name. Nothing is too big. Infertility is a little weakling. Miscarriage does not have the final word. Those babies are in heaven. It was comforting.
One of my friends, Yulia surprised me tonight. I told her about how I might miss choir Sunday (I direct choir) because it will be the first Sunday in July. We will most likely be in Miami for the embryo transfer. She welled up with tears and said I was going to be a great mom.
Being a mom seems surreal. Not to her. She saw it!
God has brought people into our lives to be a support during this time. It's not selfish to say we need it!
Thank you for all your kind words and love! They lift us up.
Lauren, I cannot believe, many days, that after all of our years, I am a mom now. I am so proud of you for opening up and allowing others to stand along side you. It is a hard road but truly one that has another side. And one that you can see the Lord through in so many ways!
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