The news we received a little over a week ago has taken center stage in our world.  It doesn't end here.  We move forward because the alternative is not an option.

This week, we sat down with our fertility doctor and saw for the first time, my abnormal eggs. They were pitiful. I felt bad for whoever they belonged.  My name and date of birth tattooed on each picture.  "Those dark shadowed spots, is where the egg is dead," she said. My eggs were partially dead. The lining of the eggs were squiggled and sporadic.  It felt in a way good to see the pictures because it was proof and closure.

Faith:  I wish I could say, I am ready to press on with all strength and determination as ever but that is not true.  We are taking it one day at a time, trying not to be saddened by the length of days still ahead of us.    One thing we know for sure and has never been questioned is if God is doing this to us.  He is clear in the Bible that He brings life, is 100% good and wants the best for us. We can rest knowing He promises to bring us through it.

"Yea, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me."

I didn't purposefully open up to read the twenty-third Psalm this morning.  But as I did, it read, "even though your eggs are partially dead, do not fear because I am with you."

God does not ask us to have big faith. That's good because lately mine has felt shallow. He says that if we have faith as small as a mustard seed and do not doubt, that anything will be possible. We believe and do not doubt that God is going to make something beautiful out of this craziness. We are not shouting amen or jumping up and down.  In our deepest hearts we have a knowing.

Hope:  Yesterday, my doctor called to tell me one of her colleagues suggested a  rare follicle rupture disorder.  Basically, it tells my body I ovulated but I don't.  The description profiles my case almost exactly.  Because it is so rare, there is very little information on it, and I do not even have enough to share with you that would make sense. There are other factors, like my general health that we are re-assessing as well. This upcoming week I will be contacting a specialist with USF to run a panel of tests.  Assessing if the past six years of my health; endometriosis, bursitis in both my shoulders, digestive health/food sensitivities, and now infertility point to something else that we can address before moving on.


Love:  Travis has shown me such fierce love!  I can easily stand in awe of his support and tenderness.  It is more than any fairy tail could shake a stick at. I am so thankful he is my husband!

"...but the greatest of these is love."

Thankful for God's love carrying us.

More to come...