We do not have the depth it requires of our feelings to fully morn the news we received today.

We are still in shock. Dumbfounded that we are here again.

My doctor called me while we were driving on our way back to Miami.  She wanted us to visit the office so she could review our medications but that was just a cover to get us to call back. We did. She apologized for not saying what she has to say in person but since we were on the road she would have to.  I did not brace myself for the news because we conquered ovulating early, 24 eggs were retrieved so what could be so bad? A lot apparently.

I had her on speaker. Travis was driving.

All 24 of my eggs were low quality.

They collapsed while in the lab except two.  Two were fertilized by putting the egg with a bunch of sperm. The boarder of these two eggs were so weak, 2 and 3 sperm fertilized it.  Obviously you know it is only supposed to be one sperm at a time.

I could not believe, literally, what she was explaining. The two eggs that fertilized are being kept in the lab because there is a slight chance, 1% to be exact of what the doctor told me the could grow.  She said it would take a miracle for those to mature enough by Day 5 to be implanted. She was clear that this was not a hopeful circumstance. I should consider it a complete loss and move forward.  However, she wants me to stay on the meds until they know for sure.

I hung up. Cried and cried. Then Travis. We almost had to pull over because we were both sobbing.  I began singing 'Great is Thy Faithfulness.'  Are we going to trust God in this?  Are we going to invite him into our pain? Yes. When this is all over, we are confident we will see God's faithfulness.

Right now we need time to morn this loss. Again, a rarity in women my age to ovulate early and have such low egg quality. The embryologist said it looked like eggs from a woman who had chemotherapy, which I have not.  No answers as to why although a perfectly good reason why we have not been able to get pregnant before.

We are in shock. Completely devastated. We really thought this was going to be it!  Not only was it not it, it brought up more complications we will have to face in the future.

I just want a baby.

I can feel God's presence today, even through processing the news.  So many people have said they are praying for us today.

Here's the update:
Continue post egg retrieval drugs until Monday or Tuesday.
On Monday or Tuesday we will find out if the two fertilized eggs have matured to a healthy state.
If yes, then we head over for the implant.
If no, then we meet with my doctor and the lead embryologist to discuss trying again. What that will mean?  What are our chances of having a successful cycle and healthy baby?

Right now, we are heartbroken.  The best case scenario would be for those embryos to grow and we could move on.  Starting all over again for the third time is more than we can imagine.

Not even sure we know how to process this information. I'm tired. Travis is tired. We are heartbroken.

Thank you for your prayers.